Moods and Mental Things

Haley called me again crying last night.  She feels as if no one likes her and she feels hopeless.  I know the feeling all to often.  We are both highly intelligent and we way overthink things which leads to indecision and feeling overwhelmed.   We often don't act on opportunities because of this and then that leads to anxiety, guilt, then depression.  My emotions and over-thinking are the reason for all of my difficulties in life.  I drink too much and take too many medicines trying to find peace.   I pray that she finds a bible study group to attend.  I need to attend one too.  Maybe I will start going on Wed nights instead of going to Montanas for wing night.  Joey won't be happy but oh well. 

Next Goal

So I finished whole 30 and I've done a pretty fair job at trying to eat healthy.  I had a fried lumpia last night in concession stand and a Krispy Kreme dougnut and about 10 Thin Mints this past weekend.  But that's miniscule compared to what I used to devour.  I'm able to sleep better at night and pass up junk food in the break room.  Thats huge.

Now I'm onto 10,000 steps a day since 3/6/2017.  I'm going to try to average 10,000 a day.  

And....we need to do Dave Ramsey's Financial Success program again - something fierce.  We are on a very thin line.  That Alaska trip and Haley starting CofC did a number on us.  I've opened and maxed out two credit cards.  Not too mention every time that I turn around something is breaking - the truck, the boat, the van.  The van has costs us about $4000 to repair.  It's ridiculous.

One full week complete

I think we've done pretty good.  A couple of slips with the sugar in the tomatoes and I don't think that I made the ghee right.  Last night, my parents came over for dinner.  We had steak, asparagus, brussel sprouts, mushrooms, and mashed cauliflower.  All were Whole 30 compliant except for the mashed cauliflower - I added half and half to them.   I thought the whole dinner was pretty good.  But with my parents, it could be spectacular, Michelin 5-star quality and they would still find something wrong.   So since it's a guarantee that my parents are going to complain about the dinner behind my back,  I was trying to fix a meal that was within the 35% margin for complaint.  

On a side note, I guess that's where Haley gets it from.  We had a good old-fashion, Mommy Dearest style fight on Sunday morning.  She was late for our hair appointment with Kathy.  She had the car and was going to pick me up.  I called at 9:50 (appt is at 10)  to see where she was -and she was still downtown!  So I had to pray that the old truck would crank up to get me there.  Kathy isn't one for folks being late and I don't blame her.  So I fussed at Haley over the phone.  So when she got to the appointment, she apologized to Kathy and proceeded to pout the rest of the time.  When we got home, I tried to explain why I was upset with her.  Well hell bells, she turned it into I hated her, she couldn't do anything right, I was never happy to see her like her friends' moms...blah, blah, blah.  So carb deprivation kicked in and I went off on her.  I said and called her some things that I really regret.  

Joey took her back downtown.  He said she was pretty upset.   I sent her a text trying to patch things up without giving up my stance that her bad attitude HAD to improve. She's already got in trouble with her friends at school because of her whining, complaining, etc.   I can't take the blame every time something goes wrong in her life.    Joey said I did the right thing and he's very good at diplomatic resolution. 

In the text, I asked her to call me.  She hasn't yet.  So I think that if I haven't talked to her by Wed, I'm going to pack up her school paperwork, give it to her, and tell her that she's on her own.  

Almost Done

Only two more days for the whole 30 diet and honestly, I have to say, I'm not really looking forward to eating anything.  I thought that I would want to dive into some Girl Scout Cookies when I'm done but now I'm scared to do it.  I feel great for the first time in years and I'm scare to go back to being exhausted, sleepless nights, and constant indigestion.  I honestly didn't think that we could do this diet but we did.  It was very helpful that my husband did it with me.  We kept each other accountable.  I couldn't have done it without him.

Whole 30 Vday Meal

So today I'm going to try shrimp scampi, spaghetti squash, and spinach with prosciutto.    And then after tonight, I'm not cooking for 2 days if I can help it.  

Cooking every single day and no chocolate are really getting to me.  I thought I loved to cook but this is for the birds.  Joey has been incredibly helpful with helping me clean up afterwards.  I can keep it up but I would like to cook every 2 days.  I'm going to need to figure this out quickly as baseball season is upon us.

Also, I found out today that I can have 100% cocoa.  YAY!!! I ate an RX bar from Trader Joe's today and it was delicious.  I'm going to try cocoa and coconut milk tonight in a pudding.

Oh yeah and this timeline has been helpful too!  It lets me know how I'm going to feel so I can plan for a breakdown.  That's huge!   And so far, it's been spot on.

http://whole30.com/2013/08/revised-timeline/

Day 3

We are half way through day 3.  I screwed up last night and added a can of tomatoes with sugar to our meal.  I noticed how sweet the tomatoes were after like two bites.  So I got the Del Monte can out of the trash and sure enough like 5 grams of sugar per serving. That's ridiculous!  They were gross.  I can understand a gram or so to cut the acidity but damn - this tasted like candy.

I told Joey and immediately he demanded - "WE ARE NOT STARTING OVER!"  Okay big guy - I don't plan to.  He's so funny.  He keeps asking me what he can and can't have.  It's like if I say so then he won't do it.  I always suspected think he secretly, deep down, likes being told what to do.  Of course, then he asked if I would split a mini pack of M&Ms.  I threw them in the trash.   He poked his lip out and sat on the couch.

I need to take photos and measurements tonight.  I'll post tomorrow.

And so it begins....

Joey and I started the Whole 30 diet today.  We need to take measurements and weigh in tonight.  I was up until 11 p.m. prepping for this week and watching the Super Bowl.   It's a little overwhelming - I feel like I can't concentrate on anything else.  It's something that I especially need to do.  I've gained so much weight and I feel like ass all of the time.  I drank red wine while I was prepping because technically we hadn't started yet.  I feel horrible today.  I've a got a headache and my sinuses are killing me.  So I know that's one thing I need to get rid of - even though I LOVE WINE.  There I said it.  But I need to start making sacrifices and getting out of my comfort zone.  I can give up wine and my other vices for a month.  Who knows how much money I will save or how much better I will feel without it.

Weight:
Joey - 248 lbs
Kim - 205 lbs (holy shit - I've never been this big - even full term pregnancy)
Here is our menu so far -